Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Martina's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
11:53 am	Todavía enferma ¡Todavía estoy enferma! Si estuviera sana ahora, estaría en el instituto aprendiendo cosas necesitadas. Ahora, solo estoy sentada aquí, en la cocina, haciendo nada. Tengo hambre, y me duele el estómago. Creo que tomaría un café ahora. Espero que me pongo buena hasta mañana. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
4:29 pm	¡Que triste! What a day! First I woke up too late, the school had started half an hour ago, I ran up from my bed and in to the kitchen before I realized that I couldn't bring forth a sound from my throat. I even realized my head felt heavy as made by stone. Since the body thermometer had been out of function for the last months, I did not know how high my temperature was. I warmed up tea and drank it with a dollop of honey, complaining inside about my unlikeable unfortunate. What if I wouldn't recover? Next week I've planned a trip to my friend's cottage in the mountains, a week of skiing, sunning ourselves, having deep conversations every night before sleep. We've really been looking forward to it. What if I destroy everything by being this ill? I must recover, I really must. If I don't, I won't ever forgive myself. Anyway, I knew if there would be any chance for me to get better, I needed to rest. I called my teacher and recorded a message on the answering machine. Then I went to bet again and fell asleep. When I woke up I felt even worse. The temperature must had been rising. I grabbed a book and finished the last 60 pages. Oh, it really touched me. Before putting the book away I was crying badly. Well, I suppose I become extra emotional while being ill. Books and poems have always touched me more than movies. The sense that a living, loving, feeling person has included his/her soul in a work normally gets stronger by reading. Anyway... I should go rest again. I feel miserable. I hope I'll get better tomorrow or I won't be able to visit my friend's cottage on next week's sports vacation. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
12:58 pm	Birthday well yes. it's my birthday today, the seventeenth. I didn't sleep very well... I dreamed that I and my family died. We were going home by airplane and when we were going down we crashed into a building on the airport... Within the run of one second, a lot happened I saw my parents hugging eachother, knowing they were going to die... I saw my younger brothers scream hysterically and my elder brother staring, as though he didn't quite understand what was happening.. I turned into myself, thinking: I want to die happy, let me think of something good and then the picture of my friends, my grandparents, and a man, his face covered by haze, which I couldn't distinguish flashed through my retina. and this man... It was something special with him.. and I knew that I was never going to know him, because now it was time for my death. And though I was quiet, all my senses screamed "I don't want to die!" And the next second all turned white, and then black, and I stopped being aware of the world around me. I died! I woke up and started to cry silent, the tears ran down my cheeks... I cried for all people that die young, and do not get the chance to do what they want.. I cried for all the people that must think the same as I did, when I died in my dream. The difference between me and them is that I just got another chance. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 14th, 2004
11:01 am	Day of Comersial? I just noticed it's the 14th of february... which means something. Today it's Valentine's day and tomorrow... my birthday. Anyway it doesn't fill me with happy expectation anymore. In fact it's just two days. And I've kind of given up the dream of learning to love somebody, that loves me back. Today Performance 14:00 Family dinner: 16:00 Performance2: 19:00 Party at Emma's: 22:00 (Comment on this)
Friday, February 13th, 2004
11:08 pm	Melancholy Hmm... I've just sorted up parts of my emotional life. I told a friend everything I felt and I really hope it will prevent further misunderstandings. But sometimes, being open-minded and honest is not enough... Hey, where is Jon Revolution? I haven't seen him for months. I'd better call him or send a message. We're losing contact. I miss those summer nights when we were walking around the city, having the deepest conversations, getting lost in the little forest on the other side of the canal, just the two of us... sharing dreams, sharing emotions, sharing visions... Why do people have to change? Is it just me or is this some kind of episode of changes? Because wherever I look, nothing is like it once used to be. And it gives me the smallest sense of melancholy. (Comment on this)
7:00 pm	Friday evening We won against the [Tema] class. It was a proper walkover, really: 21-10. But it didn't make me as happy as it did last time. It isn't fun to win with outclassing, it just makes me feel sorry for the ones who lost. After school I went to McD with Viktor, Emma and Niklas. Macdonalds really tires me out, but since Viktor obviously cannot live without the crap they serve... I had to follow. When I got home, I heard the distinctive noise from the television: ant wars, black against white... Interesting... After living without television in a month my parents finally had afforded afford a new one. OK, it was quite plain without any high technological functions, but yet... A TV is always a TV. Not that I watch very much... Around two hours a week, but you long for those two hours when you haven't got them. Human beings are the paradox of evolution. Why do species evolve, that question their own origin? (Comment on this)
10:30 am	Gap Oh, those gaps between lessons! Chinese started at 8:10, so I had to get up from bed at 7.The class ended up at 9, and since the nature science was canceled, I had to wait until 12:00 for maths. I was wondering how I was going to spend the gap. David persuaded me to sit with him in the computer hall, and up there, he tried to convince me that the swedish school and education is pure shit. Hmm, I didn't fully agree on that point, but I didn't bother to object... David is very intelligent and he knows... =) After a while, it tired me out, so I patted him on the shoulder and said goodbye, see you later. I ran all the stairs up to forth flor, followed by the tunes of "Imagine", that somebody was playing in the entrance hall on the first floor. Why forth floor? Well, my locker's there. The language class is... kind of... specially treated, in different ways. I got my black coat and my red scarf and my black mittens. And went home. I expected to find the apartment deserted, since they all had told me they were going to work or school. But the outdoor was unlocked and when I turned my head in to examine the rooms, I found my elder brother, my mother and my father. Have to admit I was disappointed. I said hello, and turned to go to my room and here I am now. I really hope that we win against the [TEMA]-class today, in handball... But we need to organize the team better. Well, I guess that's all. Better get something to eat for lunch.. (Comment on this)